Post a question for Nancy Wilson

Do you have a question that you’d like to ask Nancy Wilson? If so, we’d love to hear it. While we don’t anticipate being able to get to them all, we’ll grab selected questions each week and see what she has to say. The more your question asks for principals (rather than situation specific advice), the more helpful it will be to a broad audience and therefore the more likely we are to ask Nancy to address it.  So go ahead, ask by submitting a comment to this post (and feel free to leave the contact info blank – it is not required)…



  1. Anynmous says:

    How would you counsel a mom who has had a few children and wants to get breast implants and a tummy tuck to restore her appearance for her husband?

  2. Jessica M. says:

    As a mother who at one time had three little children, what is your best advice to young moms with lots of little people? My oldest will turn four in September and our fourth is due in December! 😀

  3. Natalie says:

    How would you challenge and encourage a married, not particularly career minded, woman without children to use her time? I see the opportunities for church ministry and personal development (mainly in domesticity), but sometimes I still feel lacking in direction. I feel like I’m caught in some weird space between mom-world and career-world that (largely) doesn’t seem to exist in our culture anymore. I don’t want to be lazy. How should I be thinking about my position and calling?

  4. anonymous says:

    What would you say to the post-college single woman that really has a passion for a certain career, is not against the idea of marriage, but being that there are no young men on the horizon, is very happy with the idea of a chance to pursue this career?

  5. Rachel B says:

    Hi Nancy,

    As our culture becomes more affluent, people have lots of options on what to eat and how to eat. For instance, diets that are vegan, organic, gluten-free, low-carb, raw, weight watchers, and eliminate food “sensitivities” are all common among people I know. What advice would you give to young women who wish to demontstrate hospitality involving food (inviting people over for dinner, bringing a meal to sick people, etc), but are intimidated by the number of diet restrictions and preferences people have? I attend a church where most members shop at Whole Foods and are used to having gourmet meals regularly. For someone who grew up in a lower-middle class home on good, but inexpensive meals involving ground beef and Campbell’s soup cans, cooking for our fellow church members makes me uneasy.

    On a related note, at Christmas time, we hosted my husband’s family and I was given a list of 15+ common foods ahead of time that were on the “no-no” list (sugar, flour, eggs, butter, tomatoes, etc) that I could not use in my cooking. Because several of the family members had conflicting food aversions and several of the family members didn’t like recipes that excluded the “no-no” foods, I felt like my Christmas cooking was a no-win burden. How would you graciously handle hosting this crowd?

  6. Anonymous says:

    I believe an important job of society is setting “tone.” People’s actions are largely governed by what other people think. How as Christians can we help establish a high standard while maintaining Christian graciousness at the same time? For instance, how do we respond to church baby showers for illegitimate children, people and their so called “fiances” and wedding invitations issued by precipitate offspring with included gift registries? I don’t like to smile and pretend everything is okay, because it is our “job” to preserve the integrity of society, not pat it on the back as it heads on it’s jolly little way to hell. :)

  7. Anonymous says:

    I have decided that politics are my husband’s domain. I would rather do my job well than two jobs poorly, as the old anti-suffragists were fond of saying. Considering that it has been decided that it is my job anyways, do I still have to take the time to educate myself and vote accordingly or can I gracefully abdicate?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Are any/all of the babies I’ve miscarried saved?

  9. anonymous says:

    If a husband does not/will not lead family worship of any sort for his family, should his wife assume this responsibility?

  10. Valerie (Kyriosity) says:

    Just want to say that I LOVE Rachel B’s question! Doug’s written quite a bit lately about the wrongness of unnecessarily finicky eating, but what to do when faced with a barrage of ridiculousness like poor Rachel had to deal with is a whole ‘nuther kettle of kittens. I can only think of snarky responses: “I will be happy to adhere to any food taboos that are proven by a doctor’s note” or “Today’s Christmas menu: Option one, the glorious feast I have prepared; option two: plain rice cakes” or sending everyone a copy of this: No doubt Nancy’s reply will be more sagacious and gracious!

    P.S. I have a friend who’s a vegetarian who insists that people NOT do anything special for her, that she can always make do with what’s provided. I love her for that (and for many other things)!

  11. Anonymous says:

    The older I get the more insecure I am. I’m trying to walk in His ways but what if I’m still doing it all wrong? Am I really being the wife He wants me to be? Am I making the right choices for my children? Which interpretation of this verse is right?

    My question for Nancy is: How do I build my confidence in the Lord as His daughter and servant?

  12. Anonymous says:

    How do you respond to new christian women who are either married to non-christian husband or in a relationship with one and with children ‘Who say it must be nice to have a Chrsitan husband. As if they think it will solve all their problems?
    What answers are wise?


  13. Anonymous says:

    Do you believe in infant baptisim and Why? and can you back it up with bible references?

  14. anonymous says:

    How do I encourage a group of new Christian mums who are not married, have children or are married and have non Christian husbands.

  15. anonymous says:

    How would you counsel a young first-time-mother who is longing to be faithful with her time and home managing skills, but finds the task of keeping her home relatively overwhelming, esp. after the first three months of tending to a newborn? What are some of the best habits, practices and principles to re-learn and develop during this season?

  16. Anonymous says:

    Assuming I have permission from my husband to ask (I do!), what is your position on the biblical use/non-use of head-coverings in corporate worship? (our congregation have families that practice both ways)

  17. Leah says:

    What is your understanding of a Christian wife’s submission in homeschooling and child-rearing when the husband is an unbeliever and doesn’t support home education and child-rearing from a biblical perspective?

  18. Anonymous says:

    This is somewhat related to Natalie’s question. I AM a mother with kids still at home, but I’d like some advice on how to prepare for the day when all my kids are either off at school or grown and out of the house for good. It almost goes without saying for most women that they will join the workforce as soon as they’re “free” from the full-time obligations of child rearing.

    As a young mother living far away from our family, I have found myself frustrated at times by the complete unavailability of all (and I do mean ALL) of the older women in our church, leaving us young mothers more or less on our own. Women with life experience (including the wives of all the pastors and elders) that I would have loved to seek advice from and learn from had all gone back to working full-time jobs away from home and are simply too busy to lead Bible studies, help with church potlucks, bring meals to the sick and to new moms, etc.

    This situation just seemed wrong to me (Titus 2 comes to mind.), but I have never heard any clear teaching on how to continue to be a blessing to the body of Christ beyond the child rearing years. By working outside the home, these women are able to be a greater financial blessing to their kids and grandkids and to the church, but what other considerations should we have in mind as we plan what to do when we no longer have kids in the home? I’d love to have a godly framework for thinking about these things BEFORE I reach the empty nest stage myself. Thanks!

  19. anonymous says:

    My question is related to one that was previously posted by another “anonymous.” My family and I have been attending the same church since my husband and I were married 5 years ago. In that time, none of the older women have made an effort to reach out to me.

    Within the past few months, several of the singles in our church have either gotten married or become engaged, thus producing a new crop of young married women. Even though I’m 24 and my oldest child is only 3-years-old, I’m still the eldest of this younger group. I’m wondering if this puts me in a truly “older woman” position. Assuming that it would be fine with my husband and the church elders, should I try to start something – a book study perhaps – to encourage these newly-married girls, even though I’m only a few years ahead of them? Or should I continue waiting for the truly older women in the church to step up to the plate?

  20. anonymous says:

    How do I tell a new christian lady that has 2 children not married – wants to get married and is trying for another child with her children’s father..who is not a christian..and not interested yet..??????????????????????????????????????

  21. Anonymous says:

    What is your opinion on wives having a section of the family budget for their own use? As an example: A stay-at-home mom who has some things she would really like to have that are for just her or to decorate her home, but she feels badly about asking her husband for them? Do you think that wives at all levels of family income should have a little spending money that is used at their own discretion? Thank you for your insight!

  22. Anonymous says:

    What is your opinion on a portion of the family budget being set aside for the wife to use at her own discretion? As an example: A stay-at-home mom who currently does not have any spending money and would like to purchase some things to decorate her home or get a new shirt or buy her husband a birthday present, but feels very uncomfortable asking her husband for those things

  23. Natalie says:

    Rachel B, I hope Mrs. Wilson gets to your question because as a person who shops at Whole Foods a lot I don’t ever want to feel that I’m putting anyone in your position. It makes me wonder what they’re doing to make you feel uncomfortable about offering them hospitality. Is it just that at home they eat certain ways or that when they are out publicly they are strident about their food choices? At potlucks and such I’ll often bring something gluten free because there’s usually a nursing mom or two who’s been told to avoid wheat, and I know how to cook that way, However, I never want to intimidate someone when I can enjoy a bowl of chili mac with the best of them :)

  24. Ruth says:

    What are some tangible ways to show respect for your husband?

  25. Anonymous says:

    How should a younger woman respond when it seems that some older women in her church are taking the Scriptural directive of “admonish[ing] the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands,” and sometimes using that Scripture as a backdrop to instruct those other women in matters of things that seem to be more personal opinion (which kind of household cleaner a woman should use, how and where she should be giving birth, whether a woman should be allowing her family to eat processed foods, what age she should be breastfeeding her children until, how many hours a day a woman should be holding her children, etc)? It can become especially difficult to know how to respond when older women do not acknowledge that these are indifferent things, but instead claim that, for example, “a woman is not loving her child as Scripture admonishes her to if schedule feeds, because she is just callously ignoring the cries of her child” (which I have heard). I don’t want to feel uncomfortable around my sisters, and I don’t want to respond in a correcting way to women older than I am, but I wonder if there is a way to graciously respond, which will at the same time have a good influence on other women so that they may change their minds about these things being essentials – Though I wonder if I have the right to worry about whether I am influencing an older woman in the first place.

  26. EM says:

    I’d rather see an article on this topic, but a video answer is also fine: How should a single woman of marriageable age deal with a ‘crush,’ particularly when there is nothing objectionable about the young man? And then more specifically, how should she deal with it when she’s known from the beginning that the young man in question feels called to singleness? So far the best advice that I’ve heard is never to discuss it, but, although that helps, it’s not quite enough.

  27. dreading weekends says:

    How should one react to the unjust criticism and anger of a husband?

    This is a pattern, mainly over housekeeping issues with small children… ie, shouting and muttering about how he should live else where because it is so messy here… ( baby spilling things, getting into playing cards, etc.)
    The home is mostly clean, but not Martha Stewart or hotel room clean.

  28. What book(s) would you recommend for women who want to learn their biblical role in the home and in the church. Especially if there are any materials to do w/a teen daughter. Thank you in advance. Really appreciate your videos. :)

  29. Anonymous says:

    As a woman who is unable to have children how can I graciously respond when well-meaning women at church who doesn’t realize my situation (and assume I’m on the pill) make comments like, “See you look good holding a baby!” I don’t feel very comfortable sharing all of my personal life with them, but in some ways I don’t want them to perceive me as someone I’m not. I usually just smile and say thank you, but it always bothers me and I wonder if there is anything else I can say that is tactful. Any advice? (Obviously these are acquaintances at church and not close friends at church.)

  30. SD says:


    I am a young mom with two small boys (a four-year-old and one-year-old), and am in a correspondence program for legal studies. I am nearly finished (two semesters left out of a four-year program) but have found that it is becoming more stressful as I get close to being done. I am having trouble balancing the strain of studies with the challenges of running my home and tending to my boys. However, since I am so close to being done, I feel that it would be good to try and finish it since otherwise, (at a later date) I would likely have to do it all over again since the classes are not transferable to most other law schools. There is no debt involved (very affordable program), studies are via the computer from our home office, thus I don’t need to leave my home, and my husband has been supportive and encouraging of my studies.

    My goal in doing the program is for my own education, and for the possibility of working part-time when my boys are older. I enjoy learning new things, and can see using the law degree for ministry opportunities (e.g., doing estate planning/wills & trusts for seniors in our church).

    My question is, would it be wise to put it all on hold due the strain of balancing legal studies with home & family, and then have to re-do four years of study if the Lord provides another opportunity? Or would it also be fine to try and push through to the end, keeping my priority of home and family at the front as I’ve faithfully tried to do all along, remembering that this stress is only temporary? I can really go either way on this. My husband has said that his concern is that I’m having trouble handling the stress load. But I am having trouble just quitting school since I put in such an investment of time (3.5 years already) and thought of having to re-do it all later is so discouraging.

    I know this is very situation-specific but I was just wondering if you had any counsel for us, if at all.

  31. Struggling Daughter says:

    My parents had a time period when they were irresponsible with their finances and incurred a lot of debt. After much prayer and counsel from my pastor, I confronted them. Their response was less than gracious, but they did improve. I know that they have very little retirement income and am increasingly concerned that they will need to stop working soon due to declining health. I have three young children. Do I have a responsibility to support my parents over educating my children? My husband and I have sufficient savings/income to send our children to a classical Christian private school in our area. However, we could not do that if we supported my parents. Could you give some advice in light of the commandment to honor your parents and 1 Timothy 5:8? I am struggling with this emotionally as well because my parents were very unkind when I confronted them and would not appreciate the sacrifice it would be for my family to support them.

  32. forty next month says:

    How does one (one flesh, that is…husband and wife together, not individually) know when one’s quiver is full? Not yet pre/peri/menopausal….not looking for an excuse for contraception, just wondering~ after seven children and a difficult birth of the last baby~ what wisdom you might offer? We have read all the related books by Nancy and Doug (that we know of). We love our children and have embraced children as a blessing. We don’t want to cut off seed, so to speak. But, we have some major life changes approaching and want to proceed with wisdom. We want to enjoy each new season as the Lord brings it, not go kicking and screaming…or murmuring in our hearts. As our children approach the age of courtship, marriage and childbearing, we want to be there for them, to be a blessing…not competing for birthing rooms. (not meaning to affront anyone else in this position…more power to them!) Thank you for considering this topic.

  33. anonymous says:

    Mrs. Wilson, Could you please comment on sex education for children? Have you written anything on the subject? If so, could you please point me to it? I want to prepare myself for the day my daughter asks where babies come from.

  34. heather says:

    Hi, for few months now, I have been out with kids ages 1-3years in the church creche. I have started doing a short bible story,craft,snack free time..the sermon is playing in the room

    So noone listens to the sermon, the mums all chat about whatever, I have my own kids in their I would like it if they were in the room they could listen to the sermon and stop talking but I don’t know how to tell them. like to encourage them to listen in sermon or go back to church..

  35. Anonymous says:

    Does dieting–staying away from certain foods and beverages to lose weight–glorify God?

  36. Anonymous says:

    I have a 7 year old who loves to dress up and play act. How do you deal with a young girl too interested in fantasy and day dreaming? I am a little concerned about my girl because she likes to play like a princess when it’s time to be in reality. She actually wants to be a princess. I am not sure how much to encourage or discourage.

  37. Jessica M. says:

    What tips would you give to parents who are training their children (ages 4 yr, 3 yr, 20 months and newborn) to sit through church services?

  38. Libby says:

    Dear Nancy,
    Would you share your sweet words of wisdom for mothers who are home schooling their children for whatever reason (personal conviction, financial restraints, etc.) and they are just feeling completely overwhelmed? I am thinking of someone with 5 children, the oldest being 11 and the youngest being 1, someone like myself. lol
    I want to honor the Lord, I want to do a good job but how can I get it all done? Private school is just not an option and the days are passing us by while we are just getting by. This also has to do with being organizationally challenged. Please give me a good “1,2” on what I need to do. (Meaning, just shoot straight with me. lol)
    Thank you for being such a sweet example of a wife and mother. I have been encouraged and blessed by your writing. I am so thrilled with your new video post!

  39. Sharon B says:

    Ok, so it’s late evening time and there are teens in the house and my husband and I would like to go to bed and make love, but I feel weird knowing that the kids “know” why we are going upstairs (and the bathroom is down the hall.) How much does one say, and how much does one feel concern about this fact? The walls aren’t totally soundproof (and we aren’t always, either, although we try.) Should we just go ahead and not think about it? Should we act like we are not going up there for that reason? It’s a good thing for them to realize that after 30 years of marriage we still enjoy each other, but on the other hand, we don’t want to say, “Hey, Babe, time to get it on – bye kids!” either.

  40. Leah says:

    Would you please give your perspective on this article? Do you believe it is wrong or immoral for women to “escape” the pain of childbearing by using drugs?

    Thank you!

  41. Emma says:

    What are your thoughts on childcare, not for work reasons but for time to – be with my husband, spend time alone with God, rest, think, breathe..

  42. Julie says:

    Hi Nancy.

    I believe that children are a blessing from the Lord. My husband and I are expecting our fifth child in November, though we lost one previously to stillbirth. I am 41. I wonder how you would advise approaching the menopausal years. We want to be open to God’s blessings but wonder about the wisdom of conceiving when the risk for birth defects is getting higher. Thank you!

  43. Katie says:

    Hello Nancy,

    Do you have any advice for a mother of very young children, busy at home, who is struggling with doubt of the Lord and the faith? I am finding myself in increasingly intense situations where I need to rely on the promises of God, where I need to trust his provision and providence, and where I desperately need grace to be kind and persevering in my labour as a wife and homemaker and mother. Yet at those very times, I find that questions are rising up with more and more intensity as well, questions about the reliability of the Scriptures, questions about the validity of my understanding of these Scriptures. I am basically having a hard time trusting God’s word at the very times when I need to most. But I don’t have the time right now to do an intensive study on why the Bible is reliable, or on apologetics for why Christianity is true. I need to be building on the foundation of solid trust in Christ, but despite all my efforts the foundation just seems and feels shaky, which leaves me not knowing where to turn.

    I would greatly appreciate any direction or perspective you could offer!

  44. Anonymous says:

    Hi Nancy,

    Do you have any advice for a wife with a Christian husband who isn’t taking on leadership in his household but is still demanding authority? I ask this with biblical leadership in mind – nothing subjective since that is a temptation a lot of wives, including myself, might find ourselves in. I did read your book “The Fruit of Her Hands” and I appreciated all you had to say very much. I know you addressed this issue at one point but sometimes this situation can become increasingly difficult for a wife with a stubborn or fearful husband. What should she do if he remains unresponsive or unwilling to speak with a pastor or even his own father about what he could do to strengthen his home? What does a wife do when she is constantly commanded to obey him when he is abdicating all responsibilities and overwhelming her with them? My situation is not this intense at all but your thoughts on this would be very helpful!

  45. Marie says:

    Hi Nancy! My question regards the ethics of vaccination. I never used to view it as a spiritual issue and all of our children so far are vaccinated. Recently however, some women from our church approached me with concerns regarding the issue. They expressed many health concerns about our decision but the ethical/spiritual ones are what I am mainly adressing here. The first concern was that by vaccinating I am not putting enough faith in The Lord regarding my children’s health. The other concern involved the “fact” that aborted fetal tissue is used in the development and makeup of several vaccines ( I have not been able to do enough research on to determine the whole truth about this. I’m still trying to find a reliable source). What would be a good response to these concerns? Most of the families in our church do not vaccinate for these reasons and I certainly do not want to make decisions out of peer pressure (especially in regards to the health of my children!) but neither do I want to inadvertently condone the sin of abortion. My husband and I would both like your insight into this dilemma. We understand that the decisions that your family makes are not the be-all and end-all but I do believe that God has blessed you with wisdom and our family has greatly benefitted from that wisdom over the years. Thanks!

  46. Mandy says:

    What are your views on head coverings? What do you think 1 cor 11:10 means when it says “because of the angels” does this pull the verse out of the realms of custom? If not, how do we obey this passage in a modern context, how do we display that we are under authority in our praying/prophesying? I am from a church which does not practice head covering, but the more I read this passage the more I question whether I should.

  47. Gail says:

    Most women my age (mid fifties) and younger colour their hair. While it’s not a permanent change, like a tatoo, I feel it represents a lack of appreciation for God’s design. Thoughts?

  48. Jennifer says:

    Hello. You were recommended to me by a dear friend in the UK. Moving on from Doug’s great comments about women of a certain age dying their hair, are you, Nancy, able to offer advice on menopause?

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