In this Ask Nancy segment, Nancy Wilson addresses how she counsels women who are experiencing “garden variety” marriage troubles as opposed to the “train wrecks” she discussed previously.
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Douglas Wilson’s Blog
5 Comments
What if she is “respecting” him and that’s not the issue. What if she is doing all she should be doing (ie sex, respect, household and child management) but isn’t getting the love back she desires. Yes, both partners can be lacking in our duties but it doesn’t mean it’s the wife’s fault that her desires aren’t getting met. She can be doing everything while the partner is nonreciprocating. So what then…
I think sometimes wives want to go overboard with submission. When husbands want to lead families to Hell, wives aren’t supposed to be “respectfully” buckling all the children in their car seats and riding passenger. Let’s say, however, that the destination isn’t so clearly marked. Perhaps the husband just doesn’t prefer to drive. He affirms all the good principles of a godly marriage but is sorely lacking practically-speaking. The wife ought to be speaking up and saying, “Marriages don’t run on auto-pilot, honey. I love you too much to let you forsake your honor and dignity and sweetly allow me to take the reins on everything.” This is just simply truly loving her husband, which she is also called to do. Forsaking love in the name of “submission” sounds a bit backwards. If this type of love doesn’t get her husband’s attention, (again, out of love for God, her husband, and her marriage) I really think she should seek pastoral/marital counseling. Our marriages relationships are super important! Wives can’t just submissively watch them fall apart if they need some help, right?
Your Video is not working for me?
Cheryl, I fixed the video - it should work now! Sorry about that!
-Daniel for CanonWIRED
How should authority over children play out in marriage? My husband has on occasion stopped me in the middle of a disciplinary situation with one of the children because he doesn’t like the way I’ve handled it. I find this really frustrating because I feel it undermines my authority in front of the children, and that it would be more appropriate to allow me to continue and talk about it with me afterwards. I agree that biblically he is the overall authority of the household, but feel we should be presenting a united front to the children. I feel his stance makes me a childminder rather than a parent. I think he thinks Number 30 applies here, where a woman makes a vow in her husbands hearing, but I think that passage is more about where a woman has no authority of her own.